“Oh women, drop the handkerchief,” say podcasters who acclaimed a relationship guru and also who has almost a million subscribers.
I hate the idea of waiting. Generally, I always become the most patient person in the room, but waiting for feeling, particularly hoping a guy you like will somehow receive your emotive telepathy, seems like a dumb move.
I mean, it’s dumb because the central idea of this paradigm is that women likely don’t have the freedom to choose a lover, partner, or whatever they want to call. Let’s say I have a crush on Andrew Garfield; it might sound impossible to approach him. He is an A-list actor who happened to receive a crush from millions of women and men in the community abroad. Who the fuck am I? you might say. But, there’s a deep sense of wonder where I want to fight for him. How? Maybe go to Los Angeles and attend one of his movie premiers. It is very complicated, but to fight…is a very human nature. And I am a human; I couldn’t fight for Andrew Garfield because of a logistic problem. I am in Indonesia, and Mr. Garfield is nowhere to be found.
Anyway, I am willing to fight for someone to whom my emotions are affectionate — you. The idea of waiting for you seems like I made a wound that creates internal bleeding, which is far worse than an open wound.
Baydo’ul yaum khoir min dajajatil Ghod — It is better to eat an egg today than a chicken tomorrow. I didn’t fight for Andrew Garfield because of my pragmatic stand. Well, you are not in Los Angeles; perhaps you are way closer than you thought. Logistically and substantially, I am fighting to get near you.
On my first attempt, it seems like you think I am your friend.
My second attempt, hmm, you think I am just a friend.
My third attempt, oke, I think you get my motive but decide to ignore it.
I was in the middle of dinner, well, alone. But I was in the mall food court, and the situation stopped my tears from bursting — almost to burst.
It’s painful. There were seconds of thought when the feeling of rejection started questioning my self-esteem. Is there something wrong with me? I called my friend, and frankly, I wouldn’t say I liked her response.
“You are beautiful, highly knowledgeable, financially independent…
the one who is destined for you will definitely come, nothing can stop you if God has decided.”
Just burn me to hell.
I didn’t pursue my higher education just to get a better man, but it was a process, even more like a relationship with who I am and my purpose…spiritually. I am chasing money here and there not to get a so-called independent label from society…but it is just how the world works, right? I don’t think working or chasing money should create a gender difference paradigm, saying men are more likely to love chasing money rather than women, or vice versa.
I love my friend dearly, but her response didn’t feed my ego at that time. Plus, the rejection has made my rationality a bit gone. I just wanted to cry, but I was not in my room, my safest place.
After the rejection, I feel like there is a reason why men design to chase women, not the other way around. I wish I could just ignore the feeling of rejection. I wish I never started the idea of making the first move.
I wasn’t feeling humiliated, it was one of the raw moments when my world became mute for a couple of hours. There was no song to represent the feeling of rejection…I was just lost in a limbo ocean. This will be the last time I am going to do this stuff, you know, dropping the handkerchief and wishing the guy to realize the handkerchief was just a tool.
As I write down my feelings, I regain my rationality. I don’t want the rejection to destroy my self-esteem, let alone change the principle about who I am as a woman. As Charlotte Brontë said, “ I looked into my heart, examined its thoughts and feelings, and endeavoured to bring back with a strict hand such as had been straying through imagination’s boundless and trackless waste, into the safe fold of common sense.”
If there is something I learned from romantic rejection, it is how lucky I am to have freedom.
Perhaps, for women, the word “freedom” we knew a hundred years ago was like a diction that had not been found or an apple fruit that Eve was forbidden to eat.
Freedom today has the substance, which is choice. A space that means pleasure and dissatisfaction. Humans experience rejection on almost every occasion; carriers, academics, with parents/family, and in relationships, we even reject the things we desire above the needs we prioritize.
Now that I have a grip on a clearer perspective, I don’t regret my decision…trying to get a glimpse of your attention. After all, you reminded me of the thing that makes me more human. Also, I think he didn’t reject me, I remember Nicole Kidman’s story, admitting that she had a crush on Jimmy Fallon. Fallon was completely blindsided, in fact, he had no clue that Kidman tried to approach him romantically.
Back to the phrase when I said men were designed to chase women, the words desperately need an upgraded paraphrase. ASAP. Perhaps, we used to see men chasing women, it seems like a romantic scenery, God knows how many movies are produced for that specific genre. Some women stated how men will likely be less respectful towards the women who make the first move. I believe the scenario happened to some people. But, the idea of saying it was the only truth we have, it’s blatantly a misconception. If the relationship doesn’t work, it’s because the ground that two people have created just doesn’t meet the middle. It’s not the woman’s fault or his fault. I think a failed relationship should not based on blaming each other self-esteem.
They said men handle a romantic rejection more elegantly than women — basically, most men going to drown themself in video games or behave as if they had poured the obliviate spell within 24 hours. I don’t think is merely about genetics, more like memeplex in evolutionists believe in explaining cultural phenomena. After all, men are likely experiencing more romantic rejection, in my scenario this is my second rejection within 6 months. Maybe my third romantic rejection in my twenty-five years of life. This one was a bit painful because I not only dropped my handkerchief once, but I think it was five times….?
Anyway, this is not going to be my last time to pursue or to say and act to someone I choose to be attracted to. What a waste of life opportunity to have freedom and decide not to use it.
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